I just have to get this out there. It literally makes me furious when people say they have OCD just because they like things neat. Or when people say they have Insomnia just because they are up late one night. I feel as if people shouldn’t use these terms unless they are actually diagnosed. Coming…
When people roll Eyes at me for lacing my skates slow, or being super particular about sleeping arrangements, how my pads are or what order I do stuff - they have no clue what goes on beneath the surface. My obsessive counting, equating, and then doing it over and over and over. And if one bit of my lacing ends up uneven I have to redo the WHOLE procedure.
Do I seem lazy or energyless? Not only do I get up at 4, some nights I don’t sleep more than 15 minutes at a time. I wake up from anxiety and have to get up and check on stuff. I have to remake my bed over and over. If I can’t get my covers even I have to take the sheet off and re do them. Sometimes I need to drink or wash my hands so desperately I get panic attacks if I can’t find my water glass (cause there is only one I can use at night) or if my lotion is not where I put it. Some days I can barely stand up straight from exhaustion, but I love skating - so I go to practice.
You never notice cause my handicap is not visible. But some days I am more restricted than someone missing their legs. But my anxiety also keeps me from being a bother. I am afraid to let people close. So I smile.
But I see the looks, I hear the snickers and I sense it all. I am no fool. I may be a nutcase, but I’m not dumb.
Your behavior hurts.
And don’t think you know how it feels.